The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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