drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
