I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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