i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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