you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
