I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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