If i come over, it means nothing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
