I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
