i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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