What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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