I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
