grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i believe in u and ur pee
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
