I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
