Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
