my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
