Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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