Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
