there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
