my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
