If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
