i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
