They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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