I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
