Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
