I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Farmville is her only friend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
