best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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