my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
