so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
