You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
