I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
