There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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