Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
