I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
