They should really pass out barf bags in church
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
