i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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