also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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