It's Friday. Sex?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
