Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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