My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
