i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
