youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
