Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
