kristin has been a bad kristin
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
