Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
