Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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