Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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