Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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