I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
