I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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