you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
