How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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