I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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