my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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