It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
