god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
