VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
