He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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