You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
