I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
