don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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