your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize