he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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