Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
