There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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