They should really pass out barf bags in church
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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