If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
