is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize