I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
