Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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