I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
