so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
