So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
