tequila makes me forget i have legs
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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