If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
