so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
