Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
