thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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