Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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