I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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