it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
