I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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