I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
