Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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