another moral hangover. fuck.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
