My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We just shotgunned beers for America
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
