some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
