smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
