conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
