Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
