omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
