I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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