I wish life had little blips of pornography
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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