We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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