I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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