Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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