so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
